Very good letter

 While in Torah study this morning, I stumbled across a concept that many of my boxers struggle with. The portion we were studying has to do with an outsider observing how pure Israelite culture was way back when, versus an insider commenting on all that the Israelites needed to improve upon. The article we read which was commentating on the portion is the issue I want to address. It reads: 

“What is true of Torah and prayer is true of life more broadly: It is crucial to maintain a healthy sense of who we have not yet become. (The point of this, it bears emphasizing, is not to lambast or loathe ourselves but to hold in mind an ideal for which to strive.) When a student wrote to Rabbi Yitzhak Hunter (1906-1980) cataloging his failings and casting doubt upon his religious potential, R. Hunter responded that the student’s letter belied his self-description. It is a danger of religious culture, Hunter writes, that great figures are all too often portrayed as perfect from birth; what is forgotten-or actively elided-is that even spiritual giants go through ‘struggle, battles, obstacles, slumps, and regressions.’ When a young person encounters these glorified depictions of saints, his spirit sinks, and he imagines himself unworthy of serving Gd. But the opposite is the case: The student’s very struggles serve ‘like one hundred witnesses’ to establish his worthiness. Indeed, the master tells the student, ‘had your letter reported on your mitzvot and good deeds, I would have said that I had received a good letter from you. But since your letter contains reports of slumps and falls and obstacles, I say that I have received a very good letter from you.’ ”*

Many of my boxers always compare themselves to great boxers they see in the gym, or professionals they see on tv, noting how much faster and stronger they are, and act as though they will never attain what this person they admire has. But none of these boxers came out of the womb like this: they worked and trained for many years, if not a lifetime. That training came with losses, injury, self doubt and admiration of boxers that came before them. Books and movies about a great boxer’s journey doesn’t always capture the story that a boxer plays in their head, the fear they feel, the wishes of being better, the struggles of self discipline and physical exhaustion. Every boxer goes through intense training and struggle, and some push through the hardships to be where they are now, and others quit. The ones you know about are the ones that never quit. In reality the admiration you feel for boxers at the top should be for the struggle you haven’t seen, and understand your journey may mirror theirs.  Whether or not you physically attain the skill these top level fighters have doesn’t mean you cannot relate to their journey. 

The last thing I want to point out from this passage is the mentioning of glorified depiction of saints. Those that we admire as true saints, whether in a religious sense or not, never claim themselves to be saints. The ones that do good for the world, and boast about it, are never called saintly. When boxers boast how good they are, what does that tell you? It tells me that they are insecure about their own abilities, and they are really trying to convince themselves that they are that good. Or, if they are that good, and constantly yell it from the rooftops, they lack the humility that could make them truly great, or ‘saint like’. Sometimes, yes, it is a show and a publicity stunt. When we try to prove something to the world we really create our own internal prison. When we let go of this imaginary expectation, we can truly be free. 

*www.mechonhadar.org/shaiheld. “Not There Yet.” Rabbi Shai Held